Relationships: Dating Trap #4

February 9, 2009 by thinkhappy

Last week I revealed the third dating trap – The Scarcity Trap. Were you able to relate to this trap? Have you fallen into this trap yourself? Hopefully, now that you know what this trap is and how to avoid it, you won’t fall into ever again. By avoiding this trap, you are well on your way to having more successful relationships in the future.

As promised here is the fourth dating trap – The Compatibility Trap. You fall into the compatibility trap when you assume just because you have fun together and get along well, you are compatible and a committed relationship will work. This results in relationship failure when you eventually discover the vast difference between a fun-focused, recreational dating relationship and a serious, long-term committed relationship. The process and criteria for choosing a recreational relationship is very different from choosing a partner with whom you want to form a long term commitment.

Recreational dating is a fun and relaxed way to get to know different people and personality types, which can give you some insight into what you do want and what you don’t want in a relationship. This type of dating is generally short termed and both parties understand that the intention is to have fun and not be committed to a long-term relationship.

Committed dating should only be considered after you have identified your relationship requirements. The purpose of committed dating is to find your life partner, you are focused only on that person and you use your relationship requirements to sort out whether they are life partner material.

When you reverse these two dating patterns is when you fall into the compatibility trap.

The solution to the compatibility trap is to understand that just because you have fun together - don’t automatically assume that the relationship should move to a committed one. A committed relationship should only occur after you have defined your relationship requirements and used them to scout, sort, screen and test potential partners. When the partner meets your requirements you can then move to the committed stage of your relationship. Do not try to convert a recreational relationship into a committed one, unless 100% of your requirements are met.

Are you ready to avoid the compatibility trap? Do you want to begin to clearly define your relationship requirements so you can find that life partner? Great, sign up for a coaching session and gain the support you need to define your relationship requirements.

Be sure to come back next week when I reveal the solution to the fifth dating trap – The Fairytale Trap.

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