Relationships: Dating Trap #3

February 9, 2009 by thinkhappy

Dating Trap Number Three - The Scarcity Trap

Last time I revealed the second dating trap – The Packaging Trap. Were you able to relate to this trap? Have you fallen into this trap yourself? Hopefully, now that you know what this trap is and how to avoid it, you won’t fall into ever again. By avoiding this trap, you are well on your way to having more successful relationships in the future.

As promised here is the third dating trap – The Scarcity Trap. When you are in the scarcity trap, you believe there is a limited supply of possible partners, and therefore think that you have to take what you can get or be alone. The Scarcity Trap results in relationship failure because there is a temptation to settle for less: you believe you can’t get what you really want because there is not enough to go around. Unfortunately it is a self-fulfilling prophecy because when you expect less, you get less. As well, you will always be on the look-out for someone ‘better’- just in case. Recently divorced people are very susceptible to this trap, especially if they have come out of a long term marriage. I see this happen all too often with my clients – the belief is that “all the good one’s are gone”, so they settle for mediocre because if they don’t they have nothing. Many newly divorced people have a huge fear of being alone for the rest of their life, so in order to avoid this fear they rush right out and jump into a relationship with someone who doesn’t meet what they truly want and deserve in a relationship. But they are so afraid that there is know one else out there they settle for less than they truly deserve.

What is the solution to the Scarcity Trap? The solution to the scarcity trap is being very clear on your relationship vision and requirements. Define your first choice of what you really want and persevere. Trust that if you apply yourself you can get what you really want in your life. You must be able to say “No” to what you DON’T want to be available to say “Yes” to what you DO want. You have the power to choose who, what, where, when, and how, and can get what you really want if you make effective choices aligned with your Vision and Requirements. But first you need to be very clear about what you do want so you can easily say no to what you don’t want – that is the key!

Be sure to come back next time when I reveal the solutions to the fourth dating trap – The Compatibility Trap.

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Relationships: Dating Trap #3

February 9, 2009 by thinkhappy

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