Just Say NO

April 2, 2008 by Julie

Women are notoriously known for having a difficult time saying
"no". This word has just two letters, yet we carry it around like
an extremely large dictionary...for some of us, it weighs heavily in
our hearts when we have to say "no".

We were not born with a built-in gene that must say "yes" to every
request that comes our way. So why do we feel compelled to give our
time away to others?

Each one of us has a barrage of reasons why we just can't say "no"
to our neighbor, friend, co-worker, loved one or family member. How
many tasks on your "To Do" lists are there because of other
people's requests? Are you frustrated with yourself for responding
to others in the same old way? Why not try something different!

I think it's just so simple...exercise...build your "no" muscles. I
can hear the "moans" right now...exercise, ugh! Here are 4 tips to
start exercising now. By the way, this kind of exercise can be fun.

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STEP 1
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Create of list of the times you said "yes" when you wanted to say
"no". Have fun, become absurd, and still capture all those times
when you just wanted to say "no". You can do this exercise with a
friend...she too may be struggling with the "can't say no disease".

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STEP 2
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Next to each time you said "yes", put the name of the person you
said "yes" to and why. No judgments allowed here...just become
aware of your choices and your decisions.

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STEP 3
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Did you find that one person was taking a lot of your time? Or did
a certain situation surface that you are good at and everyone
always asks for your help? Let's try an experiment. For the next 30
days, each day say "no" at least once to that person or to one
situation that you would normally say "yes" to.

Making a change can bring up anxiety in a person, so start slowly
with your "no" responses. If you do it for 30 days, once a day, you
will become more flexible with your "no's".

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STEP 4
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Keep a journal - every day take time to write on what you said "no"
to, to whom, and how you felt after having done so. You may have a
whole range of reactions...from guilt to ecstasy (what took me so
long!). The writing doesn't have to take long, just enough time to
capture the experience for you. You are exercising your "change"
muscles.

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FINAL THOUGHTS
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Ask yourself, "What is the best use of my time right now? If I say
"yes" to this request, what will I have to remove from my current
"To Do" list to make time for this new request?"

We all have to make choices with our time, so prioritize what is
important for you to be confident and contented in your life, and
let go of the rest. If you use guilt as the guide for your
decisions, each time you say "yes" to something you really don't
want to do, you give away a bit of your happiness.

From now on, exercise your "no" muscles.

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