Divorce Recovery: Accountabililty

November 30, 2008 by thinkhappy

Accountability

This is an important lesson I learned when going through my Relationship Coaching for Singles Training a few years ago and I wanted to share it with you. The training was held once a week. In the second last class we were to identify a goal that we wanted to reach and then list 1-3 action steps we were willing to take by the next class and report back to the class on how we did. Luckily, this class was just before Christmas so it gave us an additional week to complete our action steps.

At the beginning of the next class, which was also the last class, we were asked to report on what we completed. The whole idea behind the exercise was to experience how accountability can be a motivator. Many of the participants had stated that they were much more driven to do the action steps because they knew they had to report back to class how they made out.

Obviously this was just a generic test, but statistics back this up as well.

Behavior                                                         Probability

Come up with an idea                                           10%

Consciously decide to adopt the idea                  20%

Set a date to complete                                           40%

Put a plan in place                                                 50%

Commit to someone else                                       65%

Have a specific accountability appointment        95%

After the class I reflected on the exercise. When I was listening to the other class members’ talk about how motivated they were because they did not want to let the class down and look like failures, I wondered whether or not success could be had if they chose to be accountable to themselves as well. This is important since we don’t always have someone or a group to hold our feet to the fire.

That is when I started to remember a particular situation where that did occur for me. My husband and I separated in the month of January. In February I attended an intensive weekend workshop. In that workshop I was introduced to “acknowledgements”.  Acknowledgements are used to help you identify positive things about yourself.

The way it works is everyday you are suppose to identify five things that you acknowledge yourself for, starting each acknowledgement with “I acknowledge myself for …..” . I thought this was a cool idea and thought I would give a shot. So when I came home from the weekend workshop I dusted off my journal and started my daily acknowledgements.  Since everything was new and different everyday due to the separation I had no problem coming up with acknowledgements initially.

Well as the weeks went by it became harder and harder to come up with acknowledgements. But I wasn’t willing to quit. What happened was I found that I started to think of things that I could do differently so I would have something to acknowledge myself for each day. Little by little I started to step outside my comfort zone and take a risk just so I could have something to right in that blasted journal at the end of the day.

One particular situation sticks in my mind still today. As I mentioned earlier my husband and I separated in the month of January. My birthday is in April. So I found myself facing a birthday alone during a period of emotional turmoil. Well I resolved that I would not spend it alone and unhappy. So I decided I would throw myself a birthday party. This was a huge step outside my comfort zone, as one of my greatest fears in life is “rejection” and this was definitely a way to set myself up for rejection. I hand delivered my hand made invitations and had an amazing response. I must say it was probably one of the best birthdays I ever had.

I have my commitment to “acknowledgements” to thank for having the strength to take this step. After all I needed something to write in my acknowledgement journal. So again, I ask can we be just as successful by being accountable to ourselves as we are being accountable to others? I say, yes!

What is it that you want to achieve? How will you achieve it? Can you be your own support system when others are not available? Give it a try. Start your acknowledgement journal today. See how just a few entries can help you see you and your world a little different.

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